Grandma from the valley

Grandma Jones had lived her whole life in the valley without ever missing a day to illness, so landing in a hospital bed put her in a particularly bad mood.
By the time two strong young interns finally settled her under the thin blankets, she had already voiced her displeasure about everything she could see or feel.
The room was too cold, the lights were too bright, the gown was embarrassing, the food looked suspicious, and the mattress—especially the mattress—was an insult to comfort.

Her sharp eyes suddenly locked onto a small plastic device resting near her hand, connected to a cord and featuring a single button.
“What’s that thing supposed to be?” she snapped.

“If you need help during the night, Grandma,” one intern explained politely, “you just press that button.”

“And what happens then?” she asked. “Does it ring a bell?”

“No,” the intern said. “It turns on a light in the hallway so the nurse knows you need something.”

Grandma frowned deeply.
“A light in the hallway?” she said. “Now listen here—I’m the one who’s sick. If the night nurse needs more light, she can get out of bed and turn it on herself.”


One afternoon, a small elderly woman from Texas answered a knock at her door and found herself face-to-face with a sharply dressed young man holding a brand-new vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” he said cheerfully. “If you could spare just a moment, I’d love to show you the latest in powerful cleaning technology, fresh from California.”

“Absolutely not,” the woman replied. “I don’t have money for nonsense like that,” and she began closing the door.

Before it could shut, the salesman quickly wedged his foot inside and pushed it back open.
“Please don’t rush,” he said. “At least let me show you what this machine can do.”

Without another word, he dumped a bucket of horse manure right onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum doesn’t remove every last bit of that,” he declared confidently, “I’ll eat whatever’s left. I promise.”

The old woman calmly stepped aside and said, “Hold on while I get you a spoon.”
“I hope you’re hungry, young man, because the power company shut off my electricity this morning.”


Two salesmen were working their way through a neighborhood when they knocked on the door of a woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with them.

She told them firmly that she wasn’t interested and slammed the door shut.

To her surprise, the door bounced right back open.

Annoyed, she tried again—harder this time—but once more the door sprang back toward her.

Certain the men were blocking it on purpose, she pulled the door back with all her strength, ready to teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the salesmen calmly said,
“Ma’am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat.”